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2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-09-2018
![[Image: full-45444-157739-grill.jpg]](http://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/usergals/2018/08/full-45444-157739-grill.jpg)
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - Kswhitetails - 08-10-2018
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess.
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - TraderRik - 08-10-2018
[ATTACH=CONFIG]12466[/ATTACH]
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - NugginFutz - 08-11-2018
TraderRik Wrote:[ATTACH=CONFIG]12466[/ATTACH]
That ... is ... perfect!
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-12-2018
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth." Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed.
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-13-2018
![[Image: full-32709-158373-a_plus_truck.jpg]](http://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/usergals/2018/08/full-32709-158373-a_plus_truck.jpg)
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-14-2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Frh-y118akA
Not exactly a joke, but we laughed first time watching that one.
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - Kswhitetails - 08-16-2018
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:
"Man... that coulda been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-17-2018
Ventriloquist Apologizes
A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, "You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little [censored] on your lap."
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-18-2018
Two very active seniors (Arthur, age 92, and Rachel, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore and Arthur suggests they go in.
Arthur addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Arthur: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Arthur: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Arthur: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Arthur: "How about Preparation H?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Arthur: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Arthur: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Arthur: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Arthur: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Arthur: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure, how can I help you?"
Arthur: "We'd like to use your store as our Bridal Registry
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - NugginFutz - 08-19-2018
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
As a finale, Billy Bob grabs both sides of his shirt, rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world are ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob,
"But me n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-21-2018
![[Image: full-45444-159282-old_test.jpg]](http://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/usergals/2018/08/full-45444-159282-old_test.jpg)
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-22-2018
Aids Warning!
To all of you who are approaching 60 or have REACHED 60 and past, this is especially for you.
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE WORLD'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!!!
Yes, AIDS...
Hearing aids, band aids, walking aids, medical aids, and most of all, monetary aid to their kids!
Not forgetting HIV (Hair Is Vanishing)
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 08-27-2018
![[Image: full-54774-159889-stiffjoints.jpg]](http://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/usergals/2018/08/full-54774-159889-stiffjoints.jpg)
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 09-05-2018
![[Image: full-54774-160458-cowdog.png]](http://texashuntingforum.com/forum/pics/usergals/2018/08/full-54774-160458-cowdog.png)
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - Kswhitetails - 09-06-2018
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 09-09-2018
True Golf Buddie
A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess and the dishes are still in the sink.
I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my pajamas?
I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why did you bring him home without letting me know
ahead of time, you stupid [censored]???"
"Because ... he's thinking of getting married..."
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - mdram - 09-11-2018
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you
Husband: What’s up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid
Husband: Well you dont’t remember, do you??
When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped.
Then you said: - Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.
So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 09-13-2018
![[Image: mcuJAgV.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/mcuJAgV.jpg)
2018 JOTD (Joke of the Day) - kmon - 09-18-2018
Positive Attitude
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be - it's the way it is.
the way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
A guy was in a horrible accident.
He finally regained consciousness.
He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain.
He found himself in the ICU with IV drips in both arms, an oxygen mask,
wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried.
It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes.
She spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your boobs, then?"
And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude.