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- Ratio of Igloo circumference to diameter = Eskimo Pi
- 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
- 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
- Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 Nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
- Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
- 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
- Shortest distance between jokes = A straight line
- 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
- 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
- 52 cards = 1 decacards
- 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
- 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
- 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
- 2 monograms = 1 diagram
- 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
- 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
- 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
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If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? -
I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior.Comment
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Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocery and demonstrated with her hands the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also she demonstrated with her hands the size of two onions you could buy for a penny.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying but I can remember the guy you are talking about."Comment
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A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, so early in the morning he drove over to Kenny's.
Farmer: "Sorry son, I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny: "Well then, just give me my money back."
Farmer: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny: "OK then, just unload the donkey."
Farmer: "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny.
Farmer: "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."Comment
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Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?
Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?
How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?
If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?
Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?
How come Noses run and Feet smell?
Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one
Did you know that if you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them?Comment
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